This review may contain spoilers
The wall may be great but this movie isn't
The Great Wall made for an average popcorn movie with lush visuals and a completely forgettable script and characters. With only a hint of Zhang Yi Mou’s usual movie magic I found it mildly entertaining. It’s like the damning compliment laced with criticism, “It’s fine I just I expected more from you because you are better than this.”
William (Matt Damon) and Tovar (Pedro Pascal), two mercenaries seeking the fabled black powder, end up captured by The Nameless Order that guards the Great Wall. Very quickly this prickly western bandits wandering into the wrong place in China drama turns itself on its head when the reason for the Great Wall is discovered. Like a gruesome batch of cicadas, deadly green monsters appear every 60 years to remind the emperor and his people to not be greedy. The Nameless Order’s job is to drive them back. And yes, the plot is just that weird and weirdly simple.
At first, I worried that this would be a white savior story. Instead, the white guy was saved from his avarice by learning from the Nameless Order and their strong belief in “trust” and their belief and loyalty to each other. The script was so diluted of any real meaning, perhaps in the desire to not offend or confuse either Western or Eastern audiences, that it lacked spark and anything deeply intriguing. Though several well-known faces appeared on screen, most of the characters would barely qualify as cardboard cutouts.
Jing Tian as General Lin Mei along with Andy Lau as her wise advisor gave the most competent performances. Pedro Pascal as the ethically challenged Tovar did what he could with the rascal role. Matt Damon as the biggest western star in the movie playing William looked completely confused, maybe he was looking for his agent. His “Irish” accent was all over the place and came and went from sentence to sentence. His wig looked like the food truck had run over it a few times and then the hairstylist closed her eyes and pasted it onto his head. He also lacked any chemistry with Pascal and Jing, leaving the bromance and inferred romance without any heat.
The tei tao, which resembled four-legged monsters from numerous film and television productions only green and with their eyes on their shoulders, were suitably scary if overly familiar looking. Editing for the escalation of the monsters’ attacks could be quite awkward as they appeared and disappeared without much reason. The primary weakness of the monsters resulted in a strangely anti-climactic ending.
Now, for some of the things that worked. It was a Zhang Yi Mou film so it did have his signature color saturation, richly emotional OST, gorgeous battle armor, beautiful scenery and sets, and fascinating coordinated battles. The idea that the wall was built to keep out ravenous alien creatures was a fun concept, if not well implemented. I’m a fan of Zhang’s work which means I was more forgiving of this film’s flaws than I might have been otherwise.
If you are in the mood for an aesthetically shot film with colorful costumes and good battle action against green alien critters and can check your brain at the door, this might be a movie to try. Pop some popcorn, even better if you can watch with a friend, and see what you think of this ludicrous movie.
1/27/23
William (Matt Damon) and Tovar (Pedro Pascal), two mercenaries seeking the fabled black powder, end up captured by The Nameless Order that guards the Great Wall. Very quickly this prickly western bandits wandering into the wrong place in China drama turns itself on its head when the reason for the Great Wall is discovered. Like a gruesome batch of cicadas, deadly green monsters appear every 60 years to remind the emperor and his people to not be greedy. The Nameless Order’s job is to drive them back. And yes, the plot is just that weird and weirdly simple.
At first, I worried that this would be a white savior story. Instead, the white guy was saved from his avarice by learning from the Nameless Order and their strong belief in “trust” and their belief and loyalty to each other. The script was so diluted of any real meaning, perhaps in the desire to not offend or confuse either Western or Eastern audiences, that it lacked spark and anything deeply intriguing. Though several well-known faces appeared on screen, most of the characters would barely qualify as cardboard cutouts.
Jing Tian as General Lin Mei along with Andy Lau as her wise advisor gave the most competent performances. Pedro Pascal as the ethically challenged Tovar did what he could with the rascal role. Matt Damon as the biggest western star in the movie playing William looked completely confused, maybe he was looking for his agent. His “Irish” accent was all over the place and came and went from sentence to sentence. His wig looked like the food truck had run over it a few times and then the hairstylist closed her eyes and pasted it onto his head. He also lacked any chemistry with Pascal and Jing, leaving the bromance and inferred romance without any heat.
The tei tao, which resembled four-legged monsters from numerous film and television productions only green and with their eyes on their shoulders, were suitably scary if overly familiar looking. Editing for the escalation of the monsters’ attacks could be quite awkward as they appeared and disappeared without much reason. The primary weakness of the monsters resulted in a strangely anti-climactic ending.
Now, for some of the things that worked. It was a Zhang Yi Mou film so it did have his signature color saturation, richly emotional OST, gorgeous battle armor, beautiful scenery and sets, and fascinating coordinated battles. The idea that the wall was built to keep out ravenous alien creatures was a fun concept, if not well implemented. I’m a fan of Zhang’s work which means I was more forgiving of this film’s flaws than I might have been otherwise.
If you are in the mood for an aesthetically shot film with colorful costumes and good battle action against green alien critters and can check your brain at the door, this might be a movie to try. Pop some popcorn, even better if you can watch with a friend, and see what you think of this ludicrous movie.
1/27/23
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