Butterflies deserved better

Eagle’s Claws & the Butterfly Palm was a deeply disappointing kung fu flick. The only thing it had going for it were spinning butterfly shields with spikes on them. Who knew butterflies could be so deadly?

The defeated Mongol king along with his son and daughter are plotting how to return to power. In the opening minutes, the Mongol king wearing his lemur tails hat is assassinated, leaving the siblings in charge. The princess has magic powers and can control people with a secret butterfly potion and her flute. The last of the clans work together to bring down the deadly duo but become ensnared in the Butterfly clan’s plots. Three heroes-Mao, Eagle, and Lung plan to bring the Butterfly clan and Mongol princess down, but spend most of their time either in an abandoned temple or wandering around. Things are not looking up for the good guys.

When someone asked, “Who’s there?” when he entered a room, the answer should have been, “Who knows, it’s so d*mn dark in here!” Most of the fight scenes were filmed in the dark making it almost impossible to follow the action. Perhaps it was by design as the fight choreography was quite poor illustrated in the few well lit fights. Even with all the kung fu posing, many of the hits and kicks missed by a mile. Lo Lieh did a twist on his red hands from King Boxer, only this time with the butterfly palm. The sword work was also rudimentary, though the creative stuntmen tried to jazz it up with flipping over multiple railings or doing creative falls. The producers must have gotten a deal on buying trampolines in bulk. Characters leaped across the country and even rooms like giant bullfrogs.

The female lead known only as Lung’s daughter was extremely annoying both from the writing and acting. Everyone else seemed to be going through the motions as if they realized this film was a real stinker. Lo Lieh can usually perk up any movie, but looked like he wanted to fire his agent for getting him involved in the movie. Tsung Hua, Yu Tien Lung, Nancy Lau, Sun Chia Lin, and Lee Kwan were the only actors with significant lines, everyone else seemed to be a guest role. Maybe the others negotiated ways to stay off the screen for professional preservation. The story barely made sense and tried to use double crosses, secret identities, mind control, and treachery to spice things up. It didn’t help. Characters hopscotched around without any real purpose. A bad high school play would have been a step-up from this movie.

I normally save low scores like I gave this one for movies who delve into sexual exploitation. This film was just ridiculously bad. Bad script. Bad fights. Bad acting. Bad lighting. And lastly, hilariously bad costumes. I can even handle bad if the movie entertains me. Eagle’s Claws & the Butterfly Palm never took flight.

8 March 2024

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"You don't have anyone to fight with anymore"

In SPL: Sha Po Lang aka Kill Zone it didn’t matter what their star was everyone suffered painfully. Those three troubling stars---power, destruction, lust---there was very little lust but an awful lot of destruction for the cops and robbers in Hong Kong on a fateful Father’s Day.

Inspector Chan is aboard a vehicle with a witness and his family. The vehicle is attacked and the witness is killed leaving a young daughter behind. With no witness, the notorious criminal Wong Po is released from jail. When the surgeon removes a large shard of glass from Chan’s head, he discovers a tumor. Chan adopts the witness’ daughter and spends the next three years with his team trying to bring down Wong Po. As the clock ticks down on his life, Chan prepares to retire. The conscientious Inspector Ma comes on board to take his place. It doesn’t take long for Ma to realize that Wong Po isn’t the only one engaging in illegal activities.

Director Wilson Yip and fight choreographer Donnie Yen attempted to turn back the clock in this Triad film by using a minimum of wires and undercranking. With the casting of Donnie, Sammo Hung, and Wu Jing, the expectation was for spectacular fights. There were a couple of small skirmishes near the beginning, but you will have to wait until the last twenty minutes or so to be rewarded for sitting through the corruption, murders, and hand wringing on Father’s Day. The fight between Donnie Yen and Wu Jing was unbelievably fast and vicious. The last fight on the docket was Donnie vs Sammo. This fight included more grappling and was brutal and punishing. Donnie may have been 42 but Sammo was 53 and showed he could still bring it! Donnie’s Inspector Ma learned why one of the main rules in fighting is---Never turn your back on your enemy! Another character learned the tsunami lesson, if all the bad guys are running away it means there is either a Balrog loose from Middle Earth or a very scary bad guy is headed your way. Run!

Most of the action took place on Father’s Day prior to 1997. As a father or child, every character had an issue. The story was melodramatic, nihilistic, and just a big Debbie Downer. The acting was excellent for the most part. Simon Yam made a great weary Inspector Chan. Sammo brought a bit of humanity as a father and husband to his ruthless Triad boss. He also didn’t overact and make the character cartoonish as so often happens with martial arts villains. Donnie played low key as he often did, turning on the energy when the fights began.

Sha Po Lang wasn’t a great movie and the script felt like a retread of better crime films. Infernal Affairs it wasn’t. The saving grace was that the final two fights were memorable, enough to bump my rating up. There’s an old saying that “crime doesn’t pay” but it does pay back. Character after character was sliced to bits. I had to watch through my fingers on a couple of fights. Everyone seemed to be in the Kill Zone.

5 March 2024

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"I am through with hell"

When I heard there was a movie called Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo I could not wait to watch it! The fall was long and hard when I realized that the title was false advertising. Mifune Toshiro was in the movie playing a feckless samurai, but nothing like the cagey Yojimbo. Despite a few hints thrown out about the Kurosawa film, this samurai had a name, Sasa. I wouldn’t have been nearly as disappointed if they’d just titled it Zatoichi and the Two-Bit Samurai.

Zatoichi is tired of the blood and decides to return to his hometown with the babbling brook and plum blossoms he talks about at length. It doesn’t take long before he realizes the town is under new management. Two years ago during a terrible famine, other villages heard about the town’s food reserves and attacked. The local leader hired the yakuza to come in, and just like vampires, once you invite them in you can’t get rid of them. After lots of hemming and hawing, Zatoichi decides to stay in town and begins work as the Big Bad Eboshiya’s masseuse/bodyguard. Across town Sasa has been hired by the Big Bad’s son to be his bodyguard. Sasa mostly drinks, sleeps, and cons Masagoro out of coins for strategic information. The blind swordsman and the samurai get on each other’s bad sides, more so because of the comely Umeno than whatever is going on in with the yakuza family. Long story short, everyone wants to know where some hidden gold is.

If they’d given Zatoichi and Sasa a bromance this might have been a fun movie. They couldn’t make Mifune a real bad guy because no one was going to believe Zatoichi could take him down. Bad enough they made Sasa greedy and lazy, and not as smart as Zatoichi. Again, it goes back to the title, because during the whole movie, it was impossible to not compare Sasa and Yojimbo.

The fights didn’t really start until the final third of the film. Another demerit for me. You have two of the greatest swordsmen in the land and they sit around talking and drinking? A new threat, named Kuzurya, waltzes into town with a connection to Sasa and starts eliminating people left and right. The double crosses and corruption were hip deep in the tangled plot line which was needlessly confusing. At nearly two hours with not nearly enough action, the plot became repetitive and dragged. The swordfight choreography was fairly lackluster as well, despite the high body count.

Zatoichi came to town and did his good deed, but even he was hit by gold fever. Whether Sasa or Yojimbo, the character was still played by Mifune Toshiro which gave ample opportunities that seemed to have been missed for a more exciting film. Zatoichi Meets Yojimbo had moments that were entertaining, but it could have been so much more.

1 March 2024

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"Someone went ahead of you again"

Lola Igna showed that a long life isn’t always a gift when a person has to watch as her family and friends all leave her behind. Veteran Filipino actress Angie Ferro portrayed the 118-year-old Igna who was in the running for oldest grandmother in the world. Lola Igna was a message of resiliency, quiet resignation, and reconciliation shown through the life of one woman and her tattered family.

Lola Igna’s great-granddaughter Nida takes the older woman to the mayor’s office where she is to receive an award for being the oldest grandmother in the Philippines. When asked what she hasn’t done that she would like to do by reporters, she tells them what she is looking forward to is death. While researching her age, the group Amazing People of the World believes she might be the oldest grandmother in the world which would come with a substantial cash prize. Nida is thrilled with this news and immediately seeks to cash in on Lola Igna’s newfound fame. On one of the tours to Igna’s house in the rice fields, her long lost great-great grandson arrives and makes his way into her life.

Director Roy depicted Lola Igna’s sparse surroundings without sliding into poverty porn. The flies, chamber pot, and simple meals didn’t come across as denigrating. Angie Ferro played Igna with dignity and a sense of humor while also hiding her sorrow at having lost family, friends, and even the man who was the first baby she ever delivered as a midwife. After some coconut wine her loneliness and her anger at God for leaving behind a person willing and ready to join her departed husband while younger people died spewed out. Yves Flores as Tim bounced into her world with his cell phone and camera and a healthy dose of respect for his great-great grandmother. He was also a reminder to everyone of his mother who left years before and never returned.

Lola Igna was a glimpse into the heartache people feel when they’ve attended too many wakes. The last sibling, the last child, the one who outlived those who were born after her was a terrible burden. Death is part of life, and Igna was ready to join her beloved unafraid of what lie ahead. While her final destination was delayed, Igna also gave freely of herself to her family and community. There were those who benefited financially from the centenarian yet the movie overwhelming showed the community’s and family’s loving generosity which led to heartfelt reconciliations. No life is free from sorrow but Lola Igna showed that it could be faced with grace and when necessary, a full chamber pot.

22 February 2024

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A valuable piece of film history

I love that for around 3 minutes in time I could step back into 1899 Japan and have a brief glimpse into the early film world. Momijigari was more of a documentary of two great Kabuki actors near the end of their lives in brief scenes from a famous play. It was still worth watching and surprisingly entertaining.

Danjuro played the princess who was actually a demon in disguise. He gracefully danced with his fans, a challenge with the wind blowing as they filmed it outdoors. At one point, one of the fans blew out of his hand, rescued by the stagehand. Kikugoro played Taira no Koremori who valiantly fought the now ugly demon with long flowing hair. The demon used a maple branch against Taira’s katana. I was particularly impressed with Danjuro’s hair fighting skills. The fight was compressed in a small area with the costumed stagehand picking up debris as the two took part in their fighting choreography.

Though filmed in 1899, it wasn’t shown in public until 1903 when Danjuro was too ill to take the stage and gave his permission. Kikugoro had already died at that time making it even more popular for people to see. It was then shown again after Danjuro’s death later that year. Though Danjuro was reluctant about having their performance filmed, the two actors’ legacies have been kept alive through these 3 minutes and 50 seconds worth of grainy film one hundred and twenty-five years later.

If you enjoy old films and film history, this is definitely worth less than five minutes of your time.

19 February 2024

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"Happiness comes only through effort"

Late Spring was the first film by director Ozu Yasujiro I ever watched. I had no idea who he was or anything about films from this era. For the most part, I was unimpressed. After watching Late Autumn which was a loose remake of Late Spring, I decided it was time to revisit one of Ozu’s classics.

The plot is deceptively simple. Noriko is 27 years old and on the cusp of being too old for marriage. She and her widowed father have a comfortable relationship neither wants to change. It is an aunt who shakes things up by insisting on finding her a husband.

Ozu often focused on this transitional part of family life-a child on the verge of leaving and an aging parent facing loneliness. Noriko's familiar routine started to ebb away as her father came to terms with what was necessary for her future which begat sadness and grief. Noriko had become too much of a surrogate wife and needed to become a real wife with a real husband which would require her to leave the nest as children do. Her father recognized he would not always be around and the only way to protect her and secure her happiness was to marry her off.

Though the mother had died some time ago, her presence felt tangible. Noriko showed great jealousy when her father mentioned he might remarry. She felt men remarrying was “filthy” and “indecent”. Apparently, older people no longer required companionship and intimacy. Noriko seemed overly involved and attached to her father. “I’m the only one who knows what he needs.” Was she upset for her mother’s sake or her own? During a Noh performance, her feelings shown through when she saw the perspective woman was also attending. Ozu’s astounding ability created a deeply emotional scene simply by cutting back and forth between the characters’ reactions to each other and the performers. During another evolutionary moment as daughter and father were lying side by side, Ozu focused on a vase for long seconds as Noriko processed her emotions and gave the audience the same meditative chance.

Ozu’s skill and his ability to compose exquisite frames was, as always, impeccable. Where I struggled with Late Spring is what caused me to stumble last time---Hara Setsuko’s performance. Her overly bright smile for the first half of the movie could be disconcerting. Sometimes a smile hides a person’s pain and sometimes it hides a vacancy sign. Smiling while riding a bike and enjoying the moment seemed natural, smiling when taunting the professor for being “filthy” seemed strange. She is a much admired actress and while I have enjoyed some of her darker performances, too often she over-relied on her smile. The second half had her character behaving petulantly and pouting which seemed out of place for a grown woman who had survived forced labor during the war.

As a modern viewer these plots were uncomfortable and I had to continually remind myself this was 1949. A woman was basically sent from her father’s house to another man’s house with little say as there weren’t many other options available to her. Noriko’s father complained that daughters were pointless. “You raise them and they leave. If they don’t marry you worry and if they do you’re disappointed.” Noriko worried her father would be helpless without her. Modern me thinks her father would learn to pick up the clothes he casually dropped on the floor himself and pour his own glass of water while brushing his teeth.

Despite my reservations, Ozu knew how to incorporate the most basic concepts of life and make them interesting. Noriko’s father, expertly played by Ryu Chishu, grasped that loneliness and death were a part of life and he wanted his daughter’s future taken care of. The plot might have been simple but Ozu was a master of teasing out the buried emotional details of changing family relationships. I rated this higher than my first watch and perhaps in the future, I’ll appreciate it even more. The father’s speech to Noriko was memorable then and now, one of the strongest from any Ozu film I’ve seen and still holds true today.

“Happiness isn’t something you wait around for. It’s something you create for yourself.”

14 February 2024

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Film saved by Jang Hyuk's particular set of skills

The Killer tread a familiar action movie path. Did it matter? Not with Jang Hyuk showing off his particular set of skills as many times as the writers could work a fight scene in. His quiet confidence and proficient use of a body well honed by real life martial arts training kept me engaged from beginning to end.

Retired killer, Ui Gang, is maneuvered into babysitting the seventeen-year-old daughter of his wife’s friend when the two women embark on a three-week vacation. A reluctant sitter at best, Ui Gang finds himself dragged back into his profession when Yoon Ji is repeatedly kidnapped by human traffickers. The killer never breaks a sweat or even raises his voice as he works his way through the bad guy hierarchy. There’s never a moment when he doesn’t look completely in control, even when facing a gang of axe wielding thugs.

If I laid out the plot in detail, few people would find it surprising. If you’ve seen Nowhere Man, John Wick, or Taken or a jillion other movies with a similar story you’ll have the whole thing figured out in a matter of minutes. With this kind of genre, execution matters, and The Killer executed it well. As in there were executions aplenty. The action drove the story and rarely slowed down long enough for the viewer to start counting plot holes.

Jang Hyuk is an accomplished martial artist in real life and it showed in his agility and quick moves. The brutal and bloody fights were well choreographed and exciting to watch. Ui Gang dispatched the baddies with a number of different weapons or whatever sharp object happened to be nearby. Shadowy scenes were often Illuminated with neon lighting making the action seem otherworldly.

The Killer didn’t have the most inventive script. Luckily this genre doesn’t require uniqueness, only thrilling action. Would the film have worked without charismatic Jang Hyuk and his martial arts skills selling the action? Thankfully, we didn’t have to find out.

4 February 2024

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The shortest distance between two points may be a straight line but revenge is often circular

The Jade Raksha started out as a typical revenge wuxia and then dug a little deeper to give it a nice twist. Cheng Pei Pei once again played a confident swordswoman but this time she was more anti-hero than hero. Three fathers died and three children swore revenge in a vicious violent circle.

Leng Qiu Han has been rampaging against the Yan family in a desire to make them pay for murdering her family. The problem is, she doesn’t know which one did the vile deed. She crosses paths and swords with Xu Ying Hao. Xu tries to convince her to find evidence as to which Yan killed her family instead of taking the lives of innocent people. Leng has no intention of discontinuing her blood-letting. Xu can’t hang around because he has his own revenge to fulfill against the man who killed his father which in turn will spawn a new cycle of revenge.

I was relieved that there wasn’t a romance between Leng and Xu as Tang Ching was twice Cheng Pei Pei’s age in real life. The film did seem to be trying to make Xu younger than Tang Ching’s grizzled appearance. Leng could be difficult to like as she sliced her way to the top of the Yan family because Xu did have a point. At first, I wasn’t sure if she was avenging her family’s death or punishing the Yan’s crimes against animals and fashion. Many of them wore some atrocious looking animal furs. Interestingly, Xu’s sense of morality didn’t make his revenge any more righteous than hers. In the end, many revenge plot points were finally pulled together in a long exposition dump in the villain’s dungeon of doom.

There was fun wuxia action to be had---running on water, fighting on the top of bamboo trees, bamboo pole vaulting over a flaming bridge, and light body leaping onto roofs. The sword fighting was average for the time period, nothing terribly inspiring. The sets and scenery set the mood for the different scenes perfectly. The dungeon of doom had a specialized guillotine for head and arms which was demonstrated. There were enough traps and torture devices that it made the virtuous Xu question the philanthropic lead Yan’s innocence. I loved that the secret door leading to the dungeon had a sign reading “Always Be Kind”. Of course, the sign at the gate of the fortress read, “Home of Mercy.” False advertising at its best.

This was not my favorite Cheng Pei Pei role though she was fine in it. Leng's kill first, ask questions later attitude and penchant for jealousy made the character difficult to connect with. As I mentioned, Tang Ching seemed a little too long in the tooth for the hero but he did well as the swordsman who wanted to do the right thing but made some unfortunate choices. One of my favorites, Ku Feng, gave depth to the story as a blind father with a dark secret. Get in line, buddy, there were plenty of secrets to go around. And plenty of revenge. The film showed that the road to revenge is not always a straight line or as simple as it might seem.

16 Dec 2023

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Death Kappa attempted to be a combination of parody and homage to Kaiju movies of old. What I discovered was that 56 years before this film was made, Honda Ishiro made a more believable world using miniatures and a guy in a monster rubber suit.

Kanako returns home after a failed attempt at becoming a Jpop star. Her grandmother’s dying wish is for her to protect Kappa, the local Yokai. It just so happens the Kappa has awakened and enjoys Kanako’s music and the cucumbers she leaves out for him. Dancing with the turtlish Yokai, how sweet! But wait! In the same area, a crazed scientist has been creating super soldiers by combining men and women with Kappa DNA. Before you know it, body parts are flying when they go on a tear. Kanako and the Kappa end up in the bad guys’ lair and within minutes bullets are flying and a nuclear bomb is set off. Cut to a local downtown where Kaiju Hangyolas is destroying the city and killing people with his stomping power and flame flowing breath. What is Hangyolas and where did he come from? Was he created from the radiation from the explosion? The world may never know. When all seems lost a super-sized irradiated Kappa arrives and it is on like Donkey Kong.

This film injected campy humor into the death and mayhem. Dolls were flattened, melted, and blown up. Godzilla era vintage planes on wires made an appearance, showing more wires than were necessary. The town was quite artificial making it obvious everyone was on a soundstage.

The first half of the film was filled with Yokai dancing and cucumber eating which devolved into militaristic soldiers bent on conquering the United States with mutant ninja turtle warriors and an atomic bomb. It also had a character who might have been practicing necrophilia. The acting and production values were average at best, with much of the acting being over the top. After the blast, the film took a hard right and focused on a Kaiju WWE throw down complete with a volleyball match. The inept and powerless humans found their “savior” was far more lethal than the initial destroyer. If only Kanaka had survived the nuclear blast! Death Kappa put the fever in fever dream, truly one of the more bizarre Kaiju films I’ve seen.

10/22/23

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"Which elementary school did you go to?"

The Night of the Undead had zero zombies in it if that’s what you are looking for. Without giving away any plot points, the title refers to a dark night with aliens and humans who all seemed very difficult to kill. The movie was far more comedic than frightening.

So Hee is living a great life. She resides in a huge apartment and has a gorgeous husband who cooks her breakfast every morning. When Man Gil’s late nights at work and disturbing text messages pique her curiosity, she goes to The Mystery Research Lab. Broccoli, the man in charge of the shabby agency, follows her husband and brings back a disturbing report. Man Gil is not only a philandering husband, he’s also an alien. When her loving hubby attempts to murder her, So Hee calls upon Broccoli and her friends Sera and Yang Sun to help her put a permanent stop to his lethal ways. Killing a murderous alien was harder than it looked as he was nigh on indestructible. He also had his own crew of indestructo buddies. The Korean version of Men in Black were also hunting down the unbreakable Choi Man Gil. It might take a combination of the Earthly forces and a bizarre feline concoction to save the planet.

The film ran too long, it would have benefited from a 90 minutes running time. Some comic schticks were beaten dry of any humor from situations. Having said that there were genuinely funny moments. If you were needing something suspenseful, look elsewhere. Due to the comedic nature of the film, the grim happenings couldn’t be taken too seriously. The story had serious plot holes and implausible elements which were difficult to overcome. This was also one of those films that only had enough money to pay for the rights to one song---Billie Eilish’s Bad Guy played several times.

It’s rare for a sismance to take center stage in a movie, but So Hee, Sera, and Yang Sun banded together despite their differences in the past. And any woman would be lucky to have a friend willing to take a cleaver to her psychotic alien husband bent on exterminating humans and taking over the world. Night of the Undead may have been a deeply flawed film but it had some entertaining moments.

10/20/23

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"Our power is justice!"

Based on two television shows from the 1970’s, Bravestorm combined the Silver Mask and the Super Robot Red Baron to try and save the Earth from an alien invasion. The film used a combination of time travel and mecha suits and while it resembled a television episode more than a film, for fans of the genre it might be enough to entertain them.

In 2050 after an alien invasion that resulted in the Earth being terraformed for the aliens’ benefit, the human population is next to extinct with 96% of the population eradicated and a small portion enslaved. Siblings Koji, Haruka, and Kozo are sent back to their grandfather, Kenichiro, in 2013 to prevent the invasion. In 2018, Kenichiro’s ne’er do well brother, Ken, is recruited after an alien confrontation at an underground fight ring. Kenichiro has built a giant mecha suit for Ken to control in order to combat Black Baron, the aliens’ giant terraforming robot. Ken is less than enthused about joining the gang but is finally convinced to help.

The siblings’ abilities were varied. Koji was the brave brother who wore the silver suit of armor capable of 500% of a human’s strength. Haruka, had one expression throughout the film and few lines. She was gifted with second sight, perception, psychic ability, any power they needed her to have in a pinch, and swordswomanship. Poor Kozo had little to do and was stuck being the techie. He had a special pair of glasses that could determine whether a person was human or not. Ken was a boxer who earned money in illegal fights and was quite angry with the brother who disappeared a few years earlier. This character came across as an idiotic jerk for much of the film until he was given what he considered a better reason than humankind’s imminent demise to finally suit up. Kenichiro was the most interesting of the characters as the robot and AI specialist and surrogate father to the group.

The CGI ranged from cheap television effects to proper film CGI. Red Baron and Black Baron for the most part were well done. There were also alien robots in human suits, such as the fearsome Bald Borg. The creepy Chigrises, which I could swear I’ve seen in another movie, could also take human form. The Killgis CGI was uneven, terrible in one scene but better in another. Interestingly, the Killgis chose our planet because of humanity's warlike nature and destiny to self-destruct. Might as well move the timetable up. Harsh.

The music was drawn from a variety of films. There were times I expected to see Christopher Reeve’s Superman fly in, or Luke Skywalker, or the Rebel Alliance. It was like a patchwork quilt of famous action movie scores.

At just over 80 minutes the movie sped by and there wasn’t much time for character development. When dealing with giant mechas all can be forgiven if the battle is spectacular. Disappointingly, the final battle was short and definitely not epic and the heroic actions felt rushed particularly in the villain’s lair. The movie also ended on a cliffhanger apparently in the hopes of a sequel. For fans of the old tv shows or the genre in general, it is one to check out. For everyone else, if you keep your expectations quite low, you might find parts of it entertaining.

10/17/23

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Director Yuen Woo Ping gathered his family together to make The Miracle Fighters---a combination of kung fu, magic, and slapstick comedy. While it was fun to watch the Yuens and Bryan “Beardy” Leung, the story was a bit of a mess and dragged badly in the middle.

Kao Hsiung’s wife is killed because of their mixed marriage-a Han and a Manchu. In order to escape execution and a dangerous sorcerer, he takes the royal son as hostage. When the boy is inadvertently killed, Kao is distraught. He later takes in an orphan named Shu Gut and raises him. The royal sorcerer eventually catches up with Kao and hopes to use the now grown boy to impersonate the prince. Things don’t go to plan for anyone and Shu finds himself with two old sorcerers. The Old Man and the Old Woman have few peers with magic, but bicker constantly even resorting to dividing their property with painted red rocks. They agree to train Shu so that he can defeat the evil sorcerer and be free from his threat.

Yuen Yat Choh had spent most of his career in bit parts. He was adequate in the role of Shu Gat but he was a better fighter than actor. Yuen Cheung Yan was funny in his role of the Old Woman who could fight and make you see double. Yuen Shun Yee as Sorcerer Bat provided the menacing force needed to give the story some movement. At the sorcerers’ altar, Woo Ping honored the late Yuen patriarch Simon Yuen, with a large painting of him from his role in Drunken Master. Bryan Leung made for a spry Old Man with more than a few tricks up his sleeves.

The fights mixed with magic were cuckoo crazy and everyone of the Yuens and Leung could be counted on to do their part to sell the moves. Shu had to not only fight other sorcerers but also a giant wooden stick man that looked straight out of Angry Birds. The problem was when no one was fighting. The slapstick shenanigans wore thin quickly for me. It was like they knew where they wanted the story to end up, with a magic free-for-all, but didn’t create a compelling, coherent story to get there. At 100 minutes, the movie ran ten minutes longer than many other kung fu flicks and those extra ten minutes of bickering sorcerers was not spellbinding. If you enjoy slapstick kung fu and want to know if you should watch this, my Magic 8 Ball says, “without a doubt”. If you don’t care for slapstick and long sequences between action bother you, *shake, shake*, the magic ball reads, “my sources say no” or at best, “reply hazy, try again later.” The Miracle Fighters had entertaining parts to it, especially when the Yuens leaned into their strengths. I only wished they had done more of what they do best because more miraculous fists and kicks would have done the trick.

10/14/23

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Love with a hopping vampire!

When hopping vampires come to town, who are you going to call? Vampire Cleanup Department! This Hong Kong production starred several older actors from the golden era of fists and kicks kung fu movies as well as two younger actors. The film had a few gruesome scenes but overall was a more lighthearted romance and coming of age vampire wrangler story.

Tim witnesses a vampire attack and after being bitten by a vampire and not transforming is recruited by the Vampire Cleanup Department. On a mission outside of town he accidentally transforms a gruesome water vampire back into her original form. Summer, the young vampire woman looks normal but is unable to talk except with the help of his phone which she had swallowed and hops like the rest of the vampires. He’s tasked with cremating her back at headquarters but instead hides her nearby. From there the story becomes about him training her to be more human. At the VCD, faster than you can say “wax on, wax off!”, Tim has learned kung fu from repeatedly sweeping the floors. He runs afoul of his trainers when he wants to help the vampires instead of killing them. A competing agency causes problems for the cleanup department when they steal Summer and attempt to lure her maker, a devilishly dangerous landlord vampire, so that they can capture him for research.

I was thrilled to see Toad Venom Lo Meng as one of the fight trainers who also loved plants. Yuen Chueng Yan played the priest who provided the amulets. Aside from acting Yuen spent much of his career as a martial arts director for numerous films. Chin Siu Ho as the trainer who was toughest on Tim, started his martial arts training at the age of 10. These three alone made my geeky martial arts loving heart tremble. Richard Ng played the director in charge of tech support and cremation. Babyjohn did a good job as the naïve, bumbling, vampire cleanup trainee who falls in love with a partially transformed hopping vampire. Lin Min Chen gave Summer a kind quality as she hopped about and learned more human traits, but wasn’t asked to stretch much acting-wise.

The quality of the CGI, vampires, and fights weren’t bad for this genre of film. Thankfully, the humor wasn’t overly slapstick. Though at 90 minutes the movie tried to do too many things leaving many issues resolved thinly or not at all. Vampire Cleanup Department wasn’t a blockbuster type movie, just a nice little Hong Kong hopping vampire story with a surprisingly heartfelt center to it.

10/12/23

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"Truth and falsity mix in this world"

Taoist Master: Kylin was a sequel in the telling of Zhang Dao Ling’s story, the founder of the Way of the Celestial Masters sect of Taoism. In this direct to video film Zhang was not only searching for the root of the Tao, but also the mountain god credited with scaring two hunters to death.

The cinematography of the mountains and river where the story takes place was lovely. Disappointingly, the story lacked the same care. Zhang and his disciple Wang come to Mount Yun Jing during their travels. Two men were found dead on the mystical mountain. Determining they were scared to death, Zhang promises the mother of one of the men that he will find what killed them. From there he meets a corrupt official, the Drug Master and his crew, the Elder, a man driven insane by the mountain god, and a strangely wise beggar. Zhang Dao Ling sets to discovering the secrets of the mountain and the Tao.

Taoist Master felt more like a very special episode of Scooby Doo about the dangers of magic mushrooms. Aside from Louis Fan’s ZDL, few of the other characters were memorable. There were a couple of fights but they were ruined by slow motion and stop motion shots, or overcranked shots, and way too close of close-ups. What could have proved to be an interesting fantasy tale was brought crashing down to earth in Scooby Doo fashion. The villagers at one point all but said, "meddling kids/priest!" Full disclosure, I love spiritual dramas whether they are about my faith or not. I’m fascinated by early pioneers who walked the earth or sat on mountaintops or meditated under a tree and would have relished this short film if it had been more about Zhang’s spiritual enlightenment. The writers tacked on that element after the underwhelming mystery was solved:

“As long as you have a heart for the Tao, you understand the world.
The mountains and rivers are not under your feet but inside your heart.”

10/11/23

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Puk! Puk! Puk! Puk! Super Chicken!

Before men landed on the moon in real life, people were headed to Mars in The X from Outer Space. The previous missions to Mars had ended in disaster when UFOs from Mars or Venus diverted or destroyed the Earth ships. AAB Gamma aka Astro Boat had strapping Capt. Sano at the helm which meant the aliens didn't know what they were in for or maybe being constantly distracted by two women, he didn't.

Capt. Sano, Lisa, Miyamoto, and Dr. Shioda begin their mission successfully until the apple pie shaped UFO appears and AAB Gamma barely makes it to the moon base intact. Michiko works at the moon base and is in love with Sano as is the buxom blonde bio scientist, Lisa. Shioda is suffering from space sickness and is replaced by a continually complaining Dr. Stein. Back into space the intrepid team goes but are stalled when strange luminescent pods become attached to the ship. Lisa and Sano collect a sample and dislodge the rest. Back at home the sample appears to have been stolen from the lab. The crew finds chicken-like prints leading to a hole in the floor. Before the team can have a nightcap, a giant monster appears crushing buildings and blowing things up. The chicken-like monster is named Guilala. They need a secret weapon to destroy it---Guilalanium! Guilalanium will prevent the monster from absorbing energy. But first the team has to return to the moon base, make more guilalanium, avoid the UFO and arrive back at the Astro Development Center before Guilala destroys Japan. No problem for this super crew if they can get everyone to stop lusting after Sano.

The miniatures and space craft were comparable to movies of this genre during the 1960's. The buildings were better than some of Godzilla's cardboard downtowns. Where the movie failed was the monster, it didn't hold up against Toho's guys in rubber suits productions. The acting was average but not the worst for a monster movie. Lisa and Michiko spent a lot of time mooning over Sano. The space jaunts eventually amounted to nothing, they never reached Mars nor made actual contact with the aliens. All they managed to do was bring back the lethal Guilala spore and set it loose. It took an hour before the monster showed up to relieve us of the lackluster love triangle and useless space trips.

This was not a classic Kaiju film though it does have a cult following. You could put it in the so bad it's fun category if you don't look too closely at it, especially the hilariously bad alien chicken. Although I'd take the super chicken over the tepid love triangle any day.

10/3/23

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