Heartbreaking

This short film builds as it goes on. It starts with the main character having a panic attack while attempting to be intimidate with his girlfriend. He’s just as confused as we are, it seems.

What, exactly, is going on at home can only be speculated about Given the short format of the film, we don’t get a lot of exposition there. I’ve seen some speculate that the father has made self pleasure forbidden and the shower scene was about ensuring the main character wasn’t pleasuring himself. I’ve seen some speculation about whether or not he had developed “normally” and the father checking the status of his genital development.

I’m not entirely sure why, but while watching the film I wondered if our main character was intersex. There is an enormously diverse range of physical development possibilities among intersex people. Something about the way the father shakes his head in the bathroom scene, like he’s disappointed, and the way the boy doesn’t even want to look at his own nude body in the mirror made me think perhaps this was the case.

Regardless of whether the main character has sexually developed in a way we expect a cis boy to or whether the father was a zealot about abstaining from masturbation, what is unarguable is that the father is abusive. You do not need to touch or penetrate an individual for it to be sexual abuse. The obvious trauma (he clearly has PTSD, experiencing flashbacks to his father’s behavior) reinforces that his has been enduring sexual (and I’d guess emotional) abuse from his father. Moreso his mother’s (? I’m not sure if she’s his mother or older sister) reaction indicates she knows exactly what is going on and implies it had been going on for some time.

The dynamic between our main character and the naked boy on the roof is the one bright spot in the snippet of this boy’s life we see. It is so quickly easy, playful and comfortable between them. However, when another panic attack strikes and our boy even apologizes for it he is never shamed or belittled for his reaction. He is held. He is comforted. He’s told it’s okay. He is hugged. (That head kiss was the sweetest thing.) It is so sweet to watch but so utterly heartbreaking to see him go through that.

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A Quiet Film That Speaks in Silences

Note: this is a queer film, not a BL. if you’re looking for a BL this isn’t for you. If you are confused what I mean by it being a queer film: this story deals with the realities of being queer, including homophobic strangers with loud opinions and having to decide how to face your families. It also delves into the complexity of sexuality, love and attraction as we have a gay man and a straight man in a relationship.

If you’re expecting a plethora of love scenes and kisses and put a high value on those you may be looking for a BL, not queer media.

I’ve seen criticism of the sex scenes and, to be honest, they feel awkward and uncoordinated. On the other hand, there is a sincerity in how very unpretty it is. No one is having Hollywood pretty sex in real life. There’s an urgency and desperation when these two are together as if they are desperate for air and this is the only way to get it.

A lot is left unsaid between Kohei and Yuta. Yuta is emotional and reacts in a way that causes protective distance. Kohei is often unclear about his own feelings because his affection for another man is new to him. When given the opportunity they both do what so many people do in real life: hesitate, hold back and remain silent.

I’m still not sure Yuta loved Kohei, if I’m honest. I think he clearly cared for him but I think he wanted to be loved and accepted by someone more than anything. Kohei wound up stepping up into that role, though he faltered and made mistakes along the way. In the end, I think Yuta was too wounded to give any more of himself than he did.

Kohei was so interesting to watch evolve. In many ways he simply let their relationship evolve and become whatever it wanted to be without giving it a lot of thought. There was no hesitation in becoming part of Yuta’s life and accepting what he offered. There was no hesitation when Yuta decided to cross the line to evolve that relationship into something sexual, and by extension eventually romantic, between them. Kohei only stopped to think about things when Yuta was gone, but he never really stops trying to figure things out. He doesn’t just give up on Yuta, even though he is sometimes too lost to know what to do.

The main actors convey so much with their physical performances. This isn’t a dialogue heavy story and it doesn’t need to be. Yuta is complicated enough that this could easily be unsatisfying for some viewers but it wasn’t for me.

I also want to include a HUGE shout out to Priscilla’s bar and the community Kohei finds there. The regulars all seem to know about him and Yuta but still don’t presume anything about his orientation or press a narrative about what their relationship means for the label he should wear. It is an accepting and comforting place to be with people you can be yourself with. As a queer person, this was one of my favorite things in the film.

This film isn’t perfect. The writing and storytelling isn’t flawless. The emotion and impact, however, is fantastic. This may be a little too “real life” for some, but I really appreciated the depth and complexity this film managed in such a short time.

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Cute and Light, then ruined at the end

I’ll start with the obvious that most people will bring up, this is not groundbreaking storytelling. It’s not particularly deep even though the themes in it should be treated with depth. This is mostly passable writing and inoffensive acting by much of the cast (some are much better).

Despte all this, I really enjoyed the series up through episode ten.

- Solo is a very awkward, reserved character. You see glimpses of him open up but then he shuts back down. that makes sense to me. However sometimes he’s downright wooden with how inexpressive he is. (note: Nut who plays Solo is a much better actor currently in Pit Babe so I’m not sure how much was him being inexperienced as an actor versus writing & direction).

- Gui is kind to a fault, to the point where it’s difficult to know when he’s genuinely giving someone attention or just being kind like he is to everyone. From the synopsis I expected this to be much more of a sunshine character than he turned out to be. This is NOT a sunshine x closed off pairing. I liked the actor’s portrayal, but I had the same issue I had with Solo of him coming off too rigid and awkward.

- Solo & Gui as a pair are cute. I really did like them and that’s not entirely my high key fanboying of Nut as an adorable human. However I have complaints below.

- Kao is easily my favorite (and likely objectively best) character in the serious. He manages to be persistent and doggedly chase the guy he wants without the constant boundary violating that you usually see in these types of characters. He is sweet and expressive, continually testing the limits to see how much Phu will let him get away with without ever pushing it to territory that makes Phu genuinely uncomfortable or unhappy.

- Phu is cold. He’s distant. He’s got Fort Knox levels of security on his emotions. This is the guy you study to learn what stoic is. But you get these little glimpses (not just when he smiles, which Kao excitedly points out every time) of affectionate reactions to things Kao does or says. He says Kao is annoying but it’s like he’s using “annoying” as a stand in for what he really means because he’s clearly never annoyed with him. Given what an unrmotive, quiet character this is, you never wonder how he really feels.

- Phu & Kao … let’s face it, they kind of steal the spotlight. Their relationship moves much more slowly but feels more solid and intimate than Solo and Gui’s, if I’m being honest. It’s almost impossible to not root for them.

- Kao, Jedi and Beer: the best wingmen and friends ever! This show has some High Level friending going on with these three!

Beer often tells Gui what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear. and When Gui doesn’t really listen and Beer thinks he needs to he is not afraid of, uh, making a more illustrative point.

Kao & Jedi are always backup and support. Hello, locking the rival in the bathroom so your friend can sneak around to get time with his crush? A+ effort and execution! I wish we saw more of Jedi in the series, honestly. The trio of Solo, Kao and Jedi is great and I adore this friendship dynamic.

- The Fujoshi mess. This was basically, what, like a love rhombus? We start with Perth liking Petch but he clearly gets fed up and hurt enough that he gets over that crush during the series. Petch winds up liking Khim (while Perth likes him and he’s oblivious). Khim’s little brother Khem winds up liking Petch while he sneaks around using Perth and Khem as photos for a fake crush so he can fuel his real crush, Khim’s, fujoshi dreams.

This whole situation was right on track to be a complete mess. It wound up as a blip of a mess and then sort of just got swept up and set off to the side. Khim forgave Petch way too easily for lying to get and using her brother, who she is fiercely protective of. Khem got over being indirectly led on super quickly. Petch wasn’t very likable once he got into using people. I would have preferred this whole storyline not exist, honestly. I also wish we could have followed Perth, an actual gay character in a BL series, rather than Petch, a fake gay character.

And then we get to the train wreck of the last three episodes. (the fujoshi rhombus also came to its messy and anticlimactic conclusion during these episodes)

- Did we really need Linda, the bitchy fake fiancé who was determined to land herself a man who clearly didn’t want her? I’m so over this trope.

- We NEVER get any explanation why the head of the admin dept, Pat, took it upon himself to transfer an ENGINEERING major to his department. Who does this? To our knowledge he didn’t know Gui was dating Solo when this switch was made but maybe he supposedly did. Even if he did know, the guy isn’t majoring in any related field. Why would you set him up for failure like that? He wanted to train Gui himself? What training?!

- Gui’s lack of backbone infuriated me. You don’t wanna tell Solo someone fucked with you and transferred your dept for your internship when you are there for your future CAREER not because of stupid family politics with your boyfriend? Okay, fine, but stand up for yourself. Don’t just constantly say sorry and take shitth criticism when no one is showing you how to do a job you have zero training for. Grow a fucking pair!

The things I marked my raising down for:

- Solo’s literally, and very obviously abusive father. The abusive father in and of itself wouldn’t get points docked, it’s the sweep it under the rug treatment that did. He locked his adult son in his apartment without food for WEEKS? How did Solo not pass out and need medical attention?

His son was pissed that his father (he assumed) was fucking with the only person he felt loved him and his answer wasn’t to point out he hadn’t done it or state that Gui would be transferred if he requested it but hadn’t (I like to assume this would be the case since they are literally messing with the guy’s career). No, he told his son to suck it up bc Gui was. Then he locked him up.

I think Solo’s reaction both to finding out what was done to Gui and to being locked up was pretty in line with his character. He specifically told Gui neither of his parents ever loved him (which makes me wonder what his attachment to his deceased mother is). He was being kept from the only person that seemed to love him beyond friendship and that person was being set up to fail which could have cascading negative effects on Gui’s future. Solo was isolated, treated with a callousness that only served to emphasize how much his father didn’t love him or care about him. Solo being a complete wreck and reaching such a state of despondency made sense.

But in the end Solo bows to his father’s desires, goes back to work as his father wants and even says he will be a better son?!

- Gui being a complete fucking dick to Solo when he is an emotional wreck after Kao sneaks him out of his apartment and they subsequently run away together. I get the sense of what Gui was going for when he said Solo was not behaving like the person he knew and was sacrificing things for, but the delivery was tactless, insensitive and callous enough to have come from daddy rather than the boyfriend who had been caring and concerned about Solo throughout the series.

This made me so angry I thought it was going to be a hallucination but it wasn’t. Gui saw the stage Solo was in, KNOWING how love starved he was before meeting Gui, KNOWING how deep the emotional wounds he carries are and told him to suck it up because he was being a little bitch? Are you kidding me? He was IN TEARS telling you he didn’t want to be under his father’s control/manipulation anymore and you ultimately told him to go back and do what daddy says.

This is NOT the Gui I knew or that Solo loved. There were so many other ways to go about that which would have been more compassionate. I also cannot reconcile Gui simply being okay with the blatant abuse being served upon Solo for ANY reason.

- Moon’s adoption. WHAT?! You gave that horrible man another child to raise? I don’t care if it was on the basis that Moon would eventually become Solo and Gui’s son. After what we watched his father do to Solo in thr last few episodes, never mind what he likely did the rest of Solo’s life, and Solo was just happy and content to let the kid that his bf cared so much about (and that he cared about) be brought under his control?

- Jay justifying the abuse form Solo’s father by chalking it all up to how he loved Solo but is bad at expressing himself. Not to mention him dismissing all the horrible treatment as “if he really wanted to keep you two apart he would have been WAY WORSE and you’d never see Gui again.” What? I get that love makes you blind and Jay is clearly drawn to red flags, but as someone who claimed to care about Solo that was unforgivable. Justifying the abuse was just another layer of abuse.

In conclusion: Watch through episode ten and then make your own ending in your mind. It’s cute and fun until then.

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Astoundingly Beautiful

A lustrously gorgeous story, quiet and told in glances and body language and silences as much as it is told in words.

The realities upon which this series shines light are all too real, raw and heartbreaking. Each character tells their own part of the story and how decisions of one person weaves into the lives of those around them. We have a story about how the force of one person can impact another and how the mores of society can be a detriment for some.

Mol is someone whose personality is almost like a force of nature. She is loud to cover her loneliness. She is bright and personable so no one notices the cracks leaking her sadness everywhere she goes. However, she is also the epitome of the parent who wants the best for their child without listening to their child. This is the parent who loves you without actually loving you because to love a person is to accept and embrace who they truly are. This is a parent who “does everything for” their child, yet makes everything about themselves.

She is selfish and self-centered. She wanted a man and made him hers, only to refuse to see the truth: that he was closeted and in love with his best friend. She wants to be the center of her son’s world. She will not give him up because she needs him to fill a void in her that a child should not be asked to fill for their parent. She will not listen to what her child actually wants, too busy wanting the happiness she has decided will make him happy. Even at the end of the last episode, she is talking all about herself while he cries quietly in the passenger seat beside her.

Mol is an abusive parent and a narcissist (and I mean this in the clinical sense not the colloquial sense). While there are times she evokes sympathy, she is ultimately the detriment to the happiness of three people. All to center herself and her wants.

In is the heartbreaking illustration of what internalized homophobia does to a person. He avoids, as long as possible, to admit the truth. In fact, even by the end of the last episode he had never voiced his love for either of the men he has loved. He won’t even bring himself to voice the fact that Siam loved him. He skirts around it, speaking of it only to Wang without stating it outright. It is ultimately up to Wang to put words to what In wants to leave in the silence.

We also see the effect others have on someone who has internalized the deep shame of loving someone of the same gender of themselves. He lives with regret, blaming himself indirectly for Siam’s death (though I’d argue he probably should blame himself more directly, as should Mol), but we never hear him state a wish to have done things differently. He clings so hard to the idea that he did what he thought was right, what would make everyone (except himself) happy. Not only could he not accept the love of a man he loved in return, not only could he not give that man the love he had for him, but he cannot admit to himself that their own happiness could have saved Siam’s life.

Watching In open up to Wang as he relays stories of the man he loved is breathtakingly beautiful. You watch his walls thin and lower, though they never disappear. He’s filled with an agonizing, all-consuming fear. But you watch that fear get quieter when it’s just the two men. When the only thing in his world is himself and Wang, who gently but fearlessly moves forward. And you watch it all crumble because of the guilt and shame he carries regarding Siam and Mol when she asserts her will and manipulates his emotions to give her what she wants. It’s clear, to me, that while he was not prepared to declare his love prior to that conversation, he WAS prepared to accept Wang into his life and build something with him as Wang desired.

Wang…beautiful, brave Wang. It’s impossible to not adore this character. He is caught between grief for his father and exhaustion from his mother when we meet him. It is clear he is the emotional caretaker of his mother who has a codependent relationship to him. However it’s also clear he wishes to escape her, to not be responsible for her happiness and be allowed to find his own.

He is relentless in pursuit of answers. You can tell early on what he suspects and knows but isn’t saying. He isn’t pushing people to give him the information he craves but rather gently leads them to disclosing it bit by bit. He’s headstrong and passionate but I don’t think he’s idealistic. He knows the darkness that lurks in the world for someone like him (queer folks). He isn’t ignorant to it but he learns, as he falls in love, to be undaunted by it, to refuse to allow it to steer his life.

We see Wang falling in love before he even realizes himself that’s what is happening. The magnetic draw In has on him is captivating to watch just as much as In captivates him. He is admirable in his willingness to stand and fight for the love he has for In even when In isn’t willing to fight beside him. He is thoughtful and careful in ways he doesn’t even notice.

What is more heartbreaking than In deciding he should leave is Wang seeming to fall back into role of Mol’s protector, caretaker and babysitter. When he tells In that she’s done nothing wrong for wanting him to be happy and it isn’t fair for her to lose (if he decided to refuse to leave so he could win) it feels like the abuse cycle is starting over, the victim of the abuse giving into the path of least resistance. Watching him cry silently as they drive home while his mother centers herself in her one-sided conversation once more was more heartbreaking than the scene with In the night before.

While one could nitpick little things that are not spelled out but generally assumed (i.e. the “coincidence of them ending up there, for example), those things do not make this story any less to me. The soundtrack and cinematography complement the emotions of the story so well. (I’m in love with the color palette.)

I think Mol could be genuinely triggering for people who have suffered from a narcissistic parent or similar types of emotional abuse from a parent. Her reaction to Wang disclosing he’s in love with In could also be triggering. But I think the series is more than worth watching even so.

The typed out messages on the screen at the nd just made me cry more.

I wouldn’t change anything about this series. Not a single thing.

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For When You Need Some Adorable Fluff

This is not a terribly deep, complex story by miles, however it’s not trying to be.

VIP Only is more of a slice of life story of two people falling in love It is quiet and takes its time. It meanders through affection to love. It’s very sweet. Conflict is minimal but does last a couple episodes due to their short length.

Stan and Xuan have great chemistry together. Not the very thirsty, sexy chemistry one may expect from or look for in many Thai BLs, but rather a very cozy and comforting chemistry. These are actors who very much feel at ease together and who create a very believable picture of two individuals who will ultimately create a long lasting life together.

Liu Li can be pretty oblivious and dense, I won’t lie. He has that sweet, dumb puppy kind of personality but that isn’t all there is to him. It’s easy to dismiss or discount him but you see the layers if you’re looking.

Gu Jing can be reserved and even standoffish but the warm, fuzzy bits shine through when he’s with Liu Li. This is someone who shows how he feels through actions rather than words, gifts or grand gestures.

Ren is a grumpy, very sassy curmudgeon. Yet he grows on you and eventually shows glimpses of his soft bits and the way he cares for others under his prickly nature.

If you want a thought-provoking story, this isn’t what you’re looking for. If you want hot, rip each other’s clothes off chemistry and NC scenes, this isn’t what you’re looking for. If you want a lot of twists and turns, tension and suspense, well this is definitely not what you are looking for. But if you want a show that makes you feel the way a warm cup of cocoa or a big bowl of your favorite soup makes you feel on a chilly day, then this is worth watching. If you want a love story that feels like a blanket right out of the dryer, then this is a good bet.

Sometimes you just want something sweet and simple to give you a dose of happy. For me, that’s what this show is.

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